How Old Is Too Old to Trick-or-Treat?

I often see this question posed in Facebook moms’ groups, and there are wildly differing opinions. It’s a challenging one to answer. Having worked with teenagers in my practice for many years, I've asked them about their Halloween plans, and they often say they want to trick-or-treat but that it’s seen as “babyish” or “not cool.” Even more than ever, I’m seeing a general shift to act more adult and for teens to leave behind their youth. As a clinician, the rush to grow up in many ways is disheartening. It’s my belief that kids should be allowed to be kids for as long as possible. In the DMV, they are already thinking about college in 7^th grade and focusing on building their resumes. The time for fun and play seems to end much younger these days. So, when parents ask me about trick-or-treating, my answer is this: It depends on the child. 

In our new neighborhood, we live on a more “public” road, so when people trick-or-treat at our house, they must make an intentional stop to get candy. If kids are stopping there, they are likely walking from one neighborhood to another or noticing our many decorations. My kids love Halloween, and it’s fun for us to decorate together. 

Last year, we unfortunately came home from trick-or-treating to find our decorations unplugged and strewn around our porch. Our Ring camera footage showed a group of about 10 teens causing the damage to our things and pouring the entire very large bowl of candy we had left into their various bags. Subsequent videos showed kids looking around the porch, confused. My kids, then 8, 6, and 4, were devastated. They had worked so hard only to find things destroyed. I fought every urge as a parent to post the video online and ask the neighborhood group chat who the kids were. On a personal level, I wanted these kids to get in trouble for causing my kids’ upset. Luckily, nothing was truly broken, aside from my kids’ hearts. 

Causing mischief on Halloween is not new or novel. When I was young, I would walk past houses that had been “toilet papered” or “egged,” and people engaged in various pranks. It was mostly “in good fun” and silly. Today, with the high prices of eggs and toilet paper, I’m sure most parents of teens do not want them wasting these products. 

If your child asks to trick-or-treat, here is some guidance: 

Encourage it: If your teen asks to trick-or-treat, be curious. Try to refrain from judgment and ask what led them to that choice. If their intentions are positive, praise them for choosing this over going to a large party or other more potentially risky situations. Temptations can be elevated in high school, and Halloween is a time when people tend to go overboard. 

Talk to them beforehand: Set boundaries with them. If you allow them to trick-or-treat, set expectations and talk through appropriate and inappropriate behavior regarding people’s homes and how to interact with younger children. Remind them of simple manners like saying “thank you,” not pushing ahead of other kids, and avoid grabbing handfuls of candy (or taking entire bowls of candy). Talk to them about respecting property. This is a good time to discuss perspective-taking and how they might feel if they were the ones on the other side. 

Prepare them: Warn them that adults might be a bit judgmental about teens trick-or-treating and to try not to take it personally. If your teen acts appropriately (see above), ideally, adults will act-in-kind. Most homeowners likely don’t mind if your teens are kind and respectful. 

Discuss moderation beforehand: When it comes to candy, practicing moderation is key. If kids are filling entire pillowcases with candy, discuss with them ways to moderate intake and what is an appropriate amount vs. what is excessive. Attempt to avoid lecturing and have an open discussion. “How much candy do you think is healthy for someone to eat in a day?” “How long do you think the candy will stay fresh before you will want to throw it out?” Then do some problem solving: “Ok, so if that’s the case, how much candy do you really think you should try to get?” 

Practice giving back: Many organizations accept candy donations after Halloween. If you think your child has an excess of candy, consider donating some.    

Practice how to respond to peer pressure: Peer pressure remains as relevant today as when I was a teen. It’s developmentally appropriate for teens to want to impress their peers and have a desire to fit in and be liked. Discuss with your child again the complications of peer pressure and qualities of a positive friendship. They will likely resist this discussion but attempt to role-play and brainstorm statements they can use with friends when they are feeling uncomfortable with their friends' actions. 

Ultimately, you know your teen best and can likely gauge how they will behave if they decide to go trick-or-treating. Having open discussions, taking their feedback, and considering their perspectives can help to encourage them to make safe choices and grow into adulthood with critical thinking skills. 

“If I get one thing right in this parenting gig, I want my children to understand how their actions impact others. I want them to always think about what they can offer the world instead of what they can get from it. And I hope they always remember they are a part of something bigger than themselves.” – Whitney Fleming

We currently offer teen therapy and parent coaching, with in-person appointments in North Bethesda and virtual appointments throughout Maryland, DC, and Virginia. Contact us for a free 15-minute consultation.