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My Child is Struggling in School – What do I do?

It can be upsetting as a parent when your child comes home from school and says, “I hate school!” or if you find a hidden quiz at the bottom of their bag with a “D” in red ink, or if they suddenly complain of having a stomach ache when they wake up in the morning. Attending teacher conferences and receiving negative feedback about your child’s performance in the classroom can be disheartening. Sometimes, children who have previously done well suddenly struggle when the workload becomes more challenging.  Ultimately, no one wants to see their child struggle academically. If your child is having trouble in school, here are some ways to support them:  


Empathize and Validate: Use phrases like, “It seems like school has been tough for you. School can be hard for a lot of kids,” or “I see you getting more frustrated with your schoolwork, do you notice that too?”  Additionally, you might say, “I notice you have been avoiding your schoolwork, have you noticed that?”


Be Curious without Judgment: If your child becomes defensive, guarded, or starts to shut down, first reassure them that they are not in trouble and that you want to help make their school experience more pleasant. Saying things like, “I wonder what changed that school is now more difficult for you?” or “Is there a certain time of day that’s more challenging for you?” or “If there was one part of the school day that you could change, what would it be?” Try to explore with your child if it’s a specific subject, teacher, or aspect of school that they find most difficult. 


Is it a Social Concern or a Mental Health Concern? Oftentimes, if a child experiences conflict with a peer during the day, this can spill over to the academic realm. If your child is making negative statements about themselves, isolating from others, or demonstrating signs of anxiety – such as skin picking, increased worry, or agitation–  These may indicate a mental health concern. It’s important to assess social and mental health concerns separately from academic concerns. 


Schedule a meeting with the teacher: If you haven’t done so already, arrange a time to talk with your child’s teacher about your concerns. Attempt to brainstorm and identify strategies you can implement at home to support your child. Discuss whether the issues at hand may indicate a larger concern, such as a learning difference, executive functioning challenges, or simply the need for additional support.


Schedule a meeting with the school counselor: For additional support, schedule a meeting with the school counselor to make them aware of your concerns. Keep a record of what you are doing at home and what is working. If your child truly needs additional support, the counselor could offer suggestions and communicate with staff.


Consult a mental health professional with knowledge of the school system: Licensed therapists with knowledge of how the school system operates could recommend additional educational testing to determine if your child qualifies for a 504 plan or an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). Therapists can also reach out to the school counselors and be an additional advocate for your child and their needs. 


If you see your child is struggling, the sooner you act, the better. Pay attention to the emotions it is bringing up in you and make sure you are getting the support you need too. It can feel stressful and overwhelming, but remember that your child is likely feeling the same way. By ensuring they receive help early on, you are providing them with the tools they need to succeed in school. 


“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” —Lady Bird Johnson


If you think your child could benefit from mental health support, contact us for a complimentary 15 minute consultation.

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