Scaffolding: It’s Not Just for Construction

At the beginning of the school year, the parents’ group chat was filled with questions like,  “What is the homework tonight?”  “Can someone send me a picture of the spelling words?” and “When is that assignment due?" Eventually, a parent got frustrated and responded with “Isn’t it the kid’s responsibility to do their OWN homework and keep track of it?!?!” What this parent might not understand is that many kids don’t yet know how to keep track of their homework or how to read an assignment sheet. 

Homework and school projects require advanced executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, time management, and problem-solving. These skills don’t fully develop until we are in our 20s. Some of us have more inherent executive functioning skills than others. However, these skills can be taught and practiced. I understand this parent’s frustration at the sheer number of texts; however, it’s important for parents to know that everyone has a different level of skills when it comes to school. (It’s also important to realize when it’s time to turn off alerts for group chats!) 

Now that my daughter is older, she comes home most nights with homework, which she already does not like. The process is less uncomfortable for her when I take the time and sit with her to complete it. This makes the process easier for her. At some point, she will be able to do her homework independently, but for now, she is learning new skills, and it’s helpful for me to support her in learning how to do homework. This is where the concept of scaffolding comes in. 

In teaching, scaffolding is when teachers provide support to students individually, like giving hints, breaking things down, or giving examples to help students learn new concepts. Over time, they do this less and less as the student becomes more competent and confident. Like in construction, scaffolding helps kids build their abilities, and once they no longer need the help, the scaffolding can come down or decrease. As parents, we do this all of the time without noticing. While kids can learn during the school day, it’s our role to support them in mastering the skills even more at home (It’s a difficult task - and this is why I’m so grateful for teachers!). Here are some tips if homework is a challenge in your household. 

Do with rather than do for: I think all parents know it would be faster for us to just complete the tasks for our kids. In moments of desperation, we’ve all done it. It’s important to resist the urge and slow down with our kids to allow them to complete the task. They then get the reward in terms of the sense of accomplishment, and we get the reward of knowing that next time, they should be able to complete the task on their own (or get closer to independence). 

Look behind the behavior: If your kid is groaning and shutting down while doing their homework, be curious and inspect the behavior. Ask yourself: what is really going on that they are acting this way? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they hoping that if they are upset enough, you will just give up and do it for them or tell them they don’t have to finish it? Is it that the homework is actually too hard? Once you figure that out, you can determine how best to support your child. 

Pay attention to your body: When we are overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, or tired, our bodies can tense up without us noticing. Kids, however, can sense it, and this may unintentionally negatively impact their behaviors. Take a second to release your jaw, relax your shoulders, or splash cold water on your face to attempt to regulate yourself before sitting down with your child. 

Try to remain calm: If homework is a nightly struggle in your home, and you find yourself bracing yourself for the argument, take a few minutes to calm yourself before you approach your child. If you have a partner,  consider alternating nights to handle homework responsibilities to ease the frustration. 

Start where your child is: There’s a social worker adage, “start where the client is,” meaning, let them take the lead and tell you where they want to go rather than you taking charge immediately. One important skill for kids to learn is task initiation. This can be so difficult for so many of us. It can be really hard to figure out where to start sometimes. Take a second and ask your child what they want to do first. If they throw up their hands and say, “I don’t know!!!” you can make it a game. Play “eenie-meenie-miney-mo” or put the sheets behind your back and have them pick one. You can also ask them if they prefer to start with the harder project or the easier one.  

It's important for kids to learn that most things are not easy when you start them. It takes time, patience, practice, and determination. In our world of instant gratification, it’s helpful for us as parents to support kids in managing the discomfort that comes with difficult tasks. If we can be encouraging to them and help our children to choose and use strategies, eventually, they can see the benefit of grit and sticking with a task until it is completed. 

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop." – Confucius.