Working Mom Guilt – The Gift that Keeps on Giving

After having my first child, I returned to work almost immediately once I was cleared to drive. At the time, I had just started my group practice, and I was under immense pressure to build the practice while nursing a newborn. When you run your own business, you don’t receive paid maternity leave, so there was a great deal of internal pressure for me to return to work. My husband wasn’t pushing me; it was entirely my drive and anxiety around running a business. This is not a political statement on how the United States handles maternity leave, only an example of how the working mom guilt can start immediately after a child is born. 

Looking back, I know I should have taken more time off and attempted to be more present with my daughter. No matter what I did, it felt wrong at the time. I wasn’t working enough on my business, and I wasn’t spending enough time with my child. It was as if I were the ball in a ping-pong match, constantly being hit back and forth with no end in sight. This is how many working moms express how they feel. There is an internal and external pressure to be everything to everyone. Logically, we know this is impossible, but many women are stuck in this constant push-pull with no end in sight (for at least another 18 years…). It’s a losing game. 

I believe that it is possible to both have a career you love and be a great mom. Here are some ways to quiet the mom guilt. 

Be aware of your internal dialogue: Many working mothers carry a quiet narrative in their heads that sounds something like this: “If I were a better mom, I would be at every school event, every class party, every daytime performance.” And when work makes that impossible, the guilt creeps in. When you notice that pang of guilt, pause for a moment and question that narrative. You’re not choosing work over your children. You’re choosing to show your children that they can have both a career and a family, too. And despite what guilt might whisper, loving your career and loving your child at the same time is absolutely allowed.

Acknowledge what you do for your kids: Take time to remind yourself of all the things you do for your kids. Remind yourself of the school sign-ups, the carpooling, the emotional support, the time you spend with them, and the help with homework and projects. It can be very easy for moms to dwell on what we aren’t doing and how we are falling short. Daily acknowledgement of how much you have done is critical. 

Your Career Isn’t Just About Work: If your career is something you genuinely enjoy, something that helps you feel like yourself outside of parenting, then it matters. Purpose and identity matter. We are allowed to be more than just moms. Children benefit from seeing adults engaged in meaningful work, who care about their contributions, and who maintain a sense of self beyond their parenting role. In fact, kids often thrive when they grow up around parents who have full, fulfilled identities, rather than erased ones. Modeling passion, responsibility, and purpose does not harm children; it can strengthen them.

Remind yourself that you are a good parent: Having a job while raising young children can feel like an emotional balancing act. Good parents want to show up for their kids. Good parents care and make efforts to be there for their kids whenever possible. Good parents encourage and support their kids. But sometimes attending every single event simply isn’t feasible.

So when you realize you can’t make one of those events, it’s worth asking yourself an important question:

When You Can’t Make the School Event: Even when we intellectually know these things, missing events can still feel hard. Both for parents and for kids. Instead of letting guilt spiral, it can help to approach these moments with a simple plan.

1. Coordinate when possibleIf you have a partner, try dividing and trading off school events so someone can attend when possible.

2. Lean on your communityAsk another parent to snap a photo, or keep an eye on your child during the event. Be sure to return the favor when they need support.

3. Prepare your child ahead of timeLet your child know as soon as possible if you won’t be able to attend. Calm, honest communication helps them adjust. You might say something like: “I’m really sorry, honey. I won’t be able to be there this time, and I’m disappointed to miss it. I can’t wait to hear all about it tonight. I love you so much, and maybe we can do something special together this weekend.”

4. Make space for their feelingsYour child might feel sad or disappointed, and that’s okay. You don’t need to fix those emotions immediately. Sometimes, the most powerful thing a parent can do is simply acknowledge them.

You might say: “I know that’s really disappointing. I get it. I would feel sad too.” Taking a deep breath together and validating their emotions teaches an important skill: it’s okay to feel things and talk about them.

Balancing work and parenting is rarely simple. There will always be moments when something overlaps, when you can’t be in two places at once. But the solution isn’t to punish yourself with harsh self-judgment. The real work is learning to turn down the volume on the voice that says you're not doing enough. Give yourself the same grace you would give another parent. Because loving your work, building a career, and raising children can absolutely coexist.

“I think every working mom probably feels the same thing. You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘This is impossible—oh, this is impossible.’ And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.” -Tina Fey