Working Mom Guilt – The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Updated: Sep 14
After having my first child, I returned to work almost immediately after I was cleared to drive. At that time, I had just started my group practice. I felt immense pressure to build the practice while nursing a newborn. When you run your own business, there’s no paid maternity leave. This created a lot of internal pressure for me to return to work. My husband wasn’t pushing me; it was entirely my drive and anxiety about running a business.
This isn’t a political statement on how the United States handles maternity leave. It’s simply an example of how working mom guilt can start immediately after a child is born.
Looking back, I realize I should have taken more time off to be present with my daughter. No matter what I did, it felt wrong at the time. I wasn’t working enough on my business, and I wasn’t spending enough time with my child. It felt like I was the ball in a ping-pong match, constantly being hit back and forth with no end in sight. Many working moms express similar feelings. There’s both internal and external pressure to be everything to everyone. Logically, we know this is impossible, yet many women find themselves in this constant push-pull with no end in sight—at least for another 18 years. It’s a losing game.
Finding Balance as a Working Mom
I believe it is possible to have a career you love and be a great mom. Here are some ways to quiet the mom guilt.
Be Aware of Your Internal Dialogue
Many working mothers carry a quiet narrative in their heads that sounds something like this: “If I were a better mom, I would be at every school event, every class party, every daytime performance.” When work makes that impossible, guilt creeps in. When you notice that pang of guilt, pause for a moment and question that narrative. You’re not choosing work over your children. You’re showing your children that they can have both a career and a family, too. Despite what guilt might whisper, loving your career and loving your child at the same time is absolutely allowed.
Acknowledge What You Do for Your Kids
Take time to remind yourself of all the things you do for your kids. Think about the school sign-ups, the carpooling, the emotional support, the time you spend with them, and the help with homework and projects. It’s easy for moms to dwell on what we aren’t doing and how we are falling short. Daily acknowledgment of how much you have done is critical.
Your Career Isn’t Just About Work
If your career is something you genuinely enjoy, it matters. Purpose and identity are important. We are allowed to be more than just moms. Children benefit from seeing adults engaged in meaningful work who care about their contributions and maintain a sense of self beyond their parenting role. In fact, kids often thrive when they grow up around parents who have full, fulfilled identities, rather than erased ones. Modeling passion, responsibility, and purpose does not harm children; it can strengthen them.
Remind Yourself That You Are a Good Parent
Having a job while raising young children can feel like an emotional balancing act. Good parents want to show up for their kids. They care and make efforts to be there for their children whenever possible. Good parents encourage and support their kids. But sometimes, attending every single event simply isn’t feasible.
When You Can’t Make the School Event
Even when we intellectually know these things, missing events can still feel hard—for both parents and kids. Instead of letting guilt spiral, it can help to approach these moments with a simple plan.
Coordinate When Possible
If you have a partner, try dividing and trading off school events so someone can attend when possible.
Lean on Your Community
Ask another parent to snap a photo or keep an eye on your child during the event. Be sure to return the favor when they need support.
Prepare Your Child Ahead of Time
Let your child know as soon as possible if you won’t be able to attend. Calm, honest communication helps them adjust. You might say something like: “I’m really sorry, honey. I won’t be able to be there this time, and I’m disappointed to miss it. I can’t wait to hear all about it tonight. I love you so much, and maybe we can do something special together this weekend.”
Make Space for Their Feelings
Your child might feel sad or disappointed, and that’s okay. You don’t need to fix those emotions immediately. Sometimes, the most powerful thing a parent can do is simply acknowledge them. You might say: “I know that’s really disappointing. I get it. I would feel sad too.” Taking a deep breath together and validating their emotions teaches an important skill: it’s okay to feel things and talk about them.
The Journey of Balancing Work and Parenting
Balancing work and parenting is rarely simple. There will always be moments when something overlaps, and you can’t be in two places at once. The solution isn’t to punish yourself with harsh self-judgment. The real work is learning to turn down the volume on the voice that says you're not doing enough. Give yourself the same grace you would give another parent. Because loving your work, building a career, and raising children can absolutely coexist.
Embracing the Journey
As I reflect on my own experiences, I realize that this journey is not just about managing time. It’s about embracing the complexities of being a working mom. Each day brings new challenges, but it also offers opportunities for growth.
I encourage you to find your rhythm. Celebrate the small victories. Whether it’s a successful work presentation or a fun family outing, each moment counts.
Building a Support System
One of the most important aspects of this journey is having a support system. Surround yourself with people who understand your struggles and can offer encouragement. This could be friends, family, or even fellow working moms. Sharing experiences can lighten the load and provide fresh perspectives.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Don’t forget to prioritize self-care. It’s easy to put your needs last when you’re juggling so much. However, taking time for yourself is essential. Whether it’s a quiet moment with a book or a short walk, these moments recharge your spirit.
Conclusion
In the end, remember that you are doing your best. The journey of balancing work and parenting is filled with ups and downs. Embrace it with love and compassion for yourself. You are not alone in this experience.
“I think every working mom probably feels the same thing. You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘This is impossible—oh, this is impossible.’ And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.”
—Tina Fey
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