It’s Not All Frat Parties and Freedom: How to Manage Your Expectations Around College

At least once a year since I began my practice, a parent or potential client reaches out to me, expressing that they (or their child) “failed” their first semester (or year) of college and are now on academic probation. These clients come in feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and frustrated that they could not manage to get passing grades while in college. They often struggle to figure out what went wrong and are embarrassed about their missteps. 

College is often portrayed in movies and on TV as a fun, exciting, and adventurous experience. Characters are shown meeting new friends, having crazy experiences, and living out their dreams. Rarely do they depict students actually attending classes, studying, or figuring out what to have as one’s major unless it’s a fun plot-line. 

Truthfully, college can be an extremely difficult transition for a lot of students. Starting over, meeting new people, navigating social situations, managing dietary habits, establishing a good schedule, and balancing academic and social lives without parental rules can be overwhelming. . It takes a great deal of self-discipline and executive functioning to plan and consider the consequences of one’s actions every day. Without the structure of a traditional school schedule, many students flounder. 

Here are some tips to set you or your child up for success if you are starting college:

Have tough conversations before college starts: Parents and college-bound teens should have the difficult conversations about sharing grades and academic information with each other. If you choose not to give your parents access to your grades, make a promise to them to be truthful and open. Agree on a minimum number of times per week to communicate. Due to the smaller quantity of assignments in college classes, it can be easier to quickly drop a grade without realizing it.  

Academic supports: Visit the campus and find any resources available to you, such as tutoring, computer labs, etc. Talk to the advisor and RA if applicable to find out what one can do if one is having issues. Find out how to access all of these resources. Write down the office hours for relevant staff and make a point to attend, even if you don't think you need assistance—this is a good opportunity to ask additional questions. Attempt to face any challenges you may have immediately rather than wait until the end of the semester, when it can be even harder to resolve. 

Go to class. Even if the professor says you don’t need to come. Even if none of your friends go. Even if they don’t take attendance. Go to every class if you are able to attend.  

Create a schedule: Once you have your class schedule entered in your calendar, block out specific study times, write down office hours, plan out times to exercise, and relaxation time. Put these things on your calendar as if they are appointments. Break down large projects into small tasks. When you receive the syllabus for each class, add the due dates on your calendar ahead of time. Establish a curfew for yourself. Try to stay on the same sleep/wake-up schedule if possible. 

Social Supports: Find peers in each class to study with and make it a priority to meet with them before tests or exams. Ask your roommate or friends to remind you to study. Set boundaries with friends and let them know you are studying, but can hang out another time. 

Find your quiet places: Explore campus and find a good quiet spot to work and study. If you want, come up with a rotation of different places to study. 

Find your mental health supports: Take advantage of any counseling sessions that the school offers. Be mindful of your self-talk and give yourself grace and self-compassion. Recognize when you are feeling overwhelmed and reach out for help. 

Know that the first semester can be REALLY HARD: While college brings exciting new freedoms, this can also be scary and overwhelming. It can take time to make friends, find your way around, get used to having a roommate, and manage classes. Being away from home is not easy for everyone. Hearing from friends from high school who are having an amazing time at their school can lead to a lot of “compare and despair” and hopelessness. Remember that it takes time to adjust to a new environment, and that’s completely normal. 

To be successful in college, it is important to be honest with yourself and others. Know that college is a huge change, and with any change comes an adjustment period. It’s ok if you aren’t in love with college in the first semester, and if it truly isn’t a good fit, discuss with your advisor or family about possibly transferring. Ultimately, college takes a great deal of work and discipline. You know yourself. Don’t hesitate to reach out for guidance along the way.

 "The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you." - B.B. King.